Identity Crisis
by TheMetaBard
Summary: Kylo Ren/OC AU. Kylo Ren has found himself on the primitive planet Earth that has never heard of the First Order and considers his world fiction. McKinley has her hands full with this delusional, elusive man with a temper problem and she thought her only problems was passing her junior year of college.


**I was watching _Toy Story_ with my small cousin while beating her at checkers and I had inspiration from that to write this: A Kylo Ren fanfic where he's dropped into suburbia and has to convince the people that find him that he's actually a leader of a fascist group that tries to take over his galaxy. AU where _Star Wars_ isn't a multi-billion dollar franchise on Earth.**

 **Rated M for Language mostly and McKinley's erotic thoughts about tacos.**

* * *

"Well, if you were such a fucking psychopath about roommates, you could actually find somewhere that you could actually live and shit." McKinley said as she tried not to lose her footing and her breath at the same time as she hiked up a hill three paces behind her best friends since the third grade, Penny.

Penny was breathing as hard as McKinley was, which made McKinley feel ten times better as Penny had the body of a ten-year-old Swedish parkour protégé. Although, it might have been the incline, since Phoenix laid at almost ground level and the mountain they decided to hike up was considerably higher than that. So the air was much thinner up here or that's what McKinley told herself.

"I'm not a psychopath about roommates." Penny huffed as she gripped a tree branch to steady herself. "I've just always lived with _actual psychopaths._ So, like, excuse me if I'm a little extra cautious in choose who I share my fucking toothbrush space with."

McKinley stopped on a small level rock to catch her breath. She turned tried to look to see if she could spot a view from where she was standing, but she was surrounded by trees. "This was a fucking mistake."

"What do you mean?" Penny stopped about three yards up. Her perfectly blonde hair was tied into her ponytail and her tan skin was glowing underneath her purple Nike sports bra.

"I could be so stuffing tacos into my fucking face right now." McKinley said, thinking about the taco truck that would park at the edge of the parking lot to her apartment complex. The warm barbacoa lighting up her tongue in ways that seemed almost erotic. "But instead, I let your stupid Planet Fitness Spokesman boyfriend convince me that hiking was 'way more fun than actual exercise.'" McKinley made air quotes with her fingers before replacing them underneath her ribs so she could feel her lungs expand and contract in ways they were not meant to.

"He's not that bad." Penny retorted.

"Yeah, except that he's literally a can of pre-workout. You are dating a can of pre-workout. Like, I'm pretty sure GNC took advertisement space out on his ass." McKinley bent at her torso, airplane-emergency style so her breathing would catch up with her pulse which was starting to slow down, and noticed something strange among the piles of dead brush. From here it looked like a…hand?

Panic seized McKinley's chest as she skidded down the hill at an angle towards the hand. She heard Penny ask where she was going, but she didn't stop to tell her what she saw. Instead she hoped that it wasn't a dead body, because she was pretty sure she wouldn't be able to handle that right before finals week and she hoped that if it was a dead body that whatever killed it isn't still lurking around waiting for its next victim. "I'm not an episode of _Law & Order_." She said and she next down next to the hand and checked for a pulse. "I'm not an episode of _Law & Order_." There was one. McKinley sighed with relief. She then followed the hand to where it was attached to its torso. There was a man, a thin man he looked hurt and he was dressed in…pleather?

All of a sudden he sat up, his eyes as wild as dark curly hair. McKinley jerked her hand away from his wrist and almost tumbled down the mountain in the process. "Where am I?" His voice was deep and low in decibel, like that bassist with the choir scholarship that McKinley slept with for awhile and she would always make him saw her name because it sounded so good.

"What?" McKinley squeaked out of surprise.

"Where am I?" He repeated. His face was very scarred up and he had very angular cheekbones and McKinley thought that he kind of looked like he should be on a poster next to the Walmart bathrooms for abducting children.

"Penny!" McKinley called for aide, not sure if she should be this close to a strange man that was passed out on the side of a mountain. She needed consultation with her best friend to go over the pros and cons right at this very moment.

The man looked confused and then rose to his feet. He was wearing this black costume thing that covered him from foot to neck. She wondered for a second if he was a terrorist. Or maybe a Satan worshipper? A drummer in a Northern European psychedelic-metal band? She also wondered why he was so tall. She wondered how he got here. There was a lot of things that were running through her head at the moment regarding this strange man that was takinga nap on the side of Mummy Mountain.

"McKinley, where did you go?"

"Who are you?" He commanded angrily. If McKinley didn't fear for her life before, she certainly did now. She unsteadily rose to her feet and prepared for an abduction that would end with her being sold on the black market as a sex slave. _I don't even look good in sparkly platforms._ She thought.

"I'm McKinley," McKinley said and then pointed up the mountain. "And that's my friend Penny. You're in Maricopa County. Are you okay? You look like you need medical attention?" She said the last part with a question in her voice, because what if Satan worshippers don't believe in professional medicine? Or was that Christian Scientists?

"What planet am I on?" He asked with his deep, low voice.

"Um, Earth. You're on planet Earth? Did you hit your head?" Penny had slid down the hill and now was standing next to her friend as they watched this tall, thin person dressed like quasi-fascist dictator sneer, turn, and start to make his way down the hill. McKinley saw blood on his _outfit_ and pulled out her phone to call 911.

"Where is he going?" Penny asked, her thumbs looped through the shoulder straps of her CamelBak. "Sir? You probably shouldn't move!"

"I don't know." McKinley said and started following him as he quickly made his way down the mountain. "Do you want us to call someone for you? Do you know where you are going?" He whipped around, his hair flying in the breeze coming off the mountain. His hand touched his wide waist-belt at his side and came back bloody. McKinley froze as she watched the man fall over and simultaneously fall down the mountain. "Oh, shit! Shit!" She started running after him to stop his fall, skinning her knee in the process.

"I'm calling the police!" Penny called down.

* * *

Penny Annabeth Watson watched her friend pace up and down the length of St. Luke's hospital in Tempe, Arizona. After McKinley had convinced her to not call the police with the reasoning that if this random guy dressed like a Disney villain _was_ a psychopathic killer, they could be dragged into an investigation of his murders as accessories and she really needed to get back to study for her pediatric psychology final because she was pretty sure she had a D in that class, they managed to get his large, thin body into her car and drive to the hospital.

"I don't know his name." Penny watched McKinley pace up and down. "I don't know his age. I don't know anything other than we found in laying on a fucking side of mountain." Penny glanced at the other patients and loved ones that sat peppered in the waiting room at McKinley's loud cursing. "He has 'John Doe' printed on his hospital wristband like a murder victim, Penny."

Penny mouthed a 'sorry' to someone who was glaring at them through obvious tears for their dying relative before turning back to her best friend. "Maybe when he wakes up he'll have a clearer idea of who he is." She suggested lightly. She just wanted all of this to hurry up so she could start studying. Her mom would be so pissed if she bombed this class since she changed her major of her undergrad degree to psychology during her junior year.

"He asked me what planet he was on." McKinley was very short, almost six inches shorter than Penny and even though they weighed the same, because McKinley had the body of a _Wizard of Oz_ munchkin, she looked like she weighed more than she actually did. Penny had to remind herself of this as she fought the urge to point out that McKinley's shirt was riding up in the back, making it look like she had old-man pants.

"I'm sure it will be fine." Penny said. "Honestly, we've done a lot more than anyone else would. We should go home and clean up."

"We can't leave him, Penny."

Penny bit her lip at this conundrum. She really couldn't fail this class. She pulled out her iPhone and started composing a text message to her boyfriend, Bryce. "Do you need anything from the apartment? I'm asking Bryce to grab my books."

"What?"

"My books for my child-psych class? Professor Milton is out to get me. I, like, totes need to get a one hundred on my final, otherwise I have to repeat the class in the Spring." Penny said, leaning back in the stiff, waiting room chair.

"We're having a crisis and you're worried about the morning class that you skip eighty-five percent of the time in the first place because you can't wake up before one in the afternoon?" McKinley's best feature, her naturally classic-Hollywood curly, dark red hair that she doesn't have to do anything to, ever, shook with her anger and she bent down and got into Penny's face.

"Well, I can't fail the class, McKinley." Penny placed both of her hands on her best friend's cheeks. "So, do you need anything or…?" McKinley stood up and started pacing around again.

"I feel like the first fifteen minutes of a _CSI_ episode where they introduce the guest characters and the murder that the cast has to solve in the forty-two minutes that the episode runs for." McKinley said and continued to pace in silence for awhile. "Can Bryce bring some of his clothes?" She asked suddenly. "Like a shirt and some shorts and some shoes or something?"

Penny checked the text of Bryce's affirmation of picking up her stuff and started composing another tweet. "Why do we need one of Bryce's outfits?"

"Well, this guy obviously can't be discharged wearing what he was when he got here."

* * *

McKinley watched Bryce enter with a duffle strapped to his back, his Michael Jordan shoes squeaking on the white tile floor. "Hey cutie." He said as he bent down to kiss Penny on the cheek. "I got your books." He pulled out a stack of Penny's textbooks, which he placed on the seat next to her and kissed her again in the process. "And here is an outfit for your mystery man." He threw the duffle bag at McKinley and sunk in the seat that wasn't occupied by Penny's books. Bryce looked like a cross between a Typical Douche Bag and Haley Joel Osment.

"Thanks, I guess." McKinley said and inspected the contents of the bag.

"So, did you guys call the police?" Bryce asked and looked at Penny. His gold sticker on his snapback shone underneath the fluorescent lighting of the hospital waiting room. She shook her head no. "What the fuck?" He jerked forward. "What if he's like an attempted murder victim or something? They like, tried to kill him and then dumped his body on the frickin' side of Mummy Mountain?"

"Well, we were going to wait until he comes to and ask him." Penny said.

"I can't believe you guys didn't call the police." Bryce adjusted his hat and leaned back, a goofy grin on his face while unconsciously flexed his biceps in a way that made McKinley nauseous."That's so like…subversive."

"Ms. Adams?" McKinley whipped around to a dark-skinned male nurse in the doorway. "The individual you brought has come to and is asking for you by name."

McKinley froze. "By name?"

The nurse looked ridiculously unhappy in his career as an emergency room nurse and he looked so bored that his face was going to melt off into a puddle on the ground if McKinley didn't answer him in time. "In-between babbling about something called the 'First Order' and his father and the 'Dark Side' he did mention you, yes."

McKinley glanced at Penny who rose her eyes in a silent 'What are you going to do?' sign language that only can be communicated between best friends. McKinley sucked in a breath and held it out of panic as she followed the nurse through the Emergency room doors and down the hall. She focused on the murals on the wall and the speckles on the floor and everywhere except right in front of her.

"Here he is." The nurse motioned at the large door. "He refuses to lay down on the bed, however his wounds makes him significantly weaker than what he is used to, so if he faints or tips forward, just hit the call button. Also, he did have an odd violent outburst, psych just got done doing an evaluation on him, but if he tries anything, again, hit the call button."

McKinley thanked the nurse and ducked around the door. The tall dark-haired man was perched on the edge of the bed, his brows knitted together and his hand covering his side the same way he did when he fell down the mountain. He was sort of attractive without the _Star Trek_ bad guy uniform on. His eyes glanced up, met eyes with McKinley and then glanced back to the ground. "I'm very confused to where I am." He started. "And nobody seems to know what the First Order is."

"I'm not sure what that is either," McKinley confessed. "But, you know, you seem pretty beat up. Did someone do this to you?"

His eyes flashed angrily and he tensed up, his fists balling tightly, and then he just relaxed. "I don't know. I don't really remember anything before waking up. Except the First Order. My dad and the Dark Side of the Force."

"What is your name? You want to start with that?" McKinley tried again. "Do you remember that?"

"My name is Kylo Ren."


End file.
